Limericks

[Bubba]

Been trying to write limericks. Five-line poems with this rhyme scheme:

A
A
B
B
A

I have found that if you are strict about your rhymes and are unwilling to compromise, they are quite difficult. And more so if you insist the poem make some sort of coherent sense. However, if you can be flexible in both those areas, limericks are much easier.

Here's one for the season:

A pitiful old gent is Father Time.
Even so, every day he toes the line.
Goodbye twenty twenty-two.
We're glad you are through.
The New Year's Baby is lookin' my-tee-fine.

[WhiskeyMakesMeHappy]

The limerick is flirtive and mean,
You must keep her in close quarantine.
Or she snicks to the slums,
and promptly becomes,
Drunk, disorderly, and obscene.

[Bubba]

Let's all welcome the New Year's Baby.
We hope he doesn't have rabies.
He'll enshroud us in fog
So we sleep like a log.
We're gonna love the little tyke - Maybe.

[Bubba]

Sailor Seymour was extremely short.
Lamented he, as the ship pulled into port,
"Bar stools are so high
I might fall off and die,
Or at the very least, wind up in court."

An earnest couple from Mississippi
Had a son who was quite lippy.
"Ma and Pa, don't get mad.
You should be glad.
I've decided to become a hippie."

[Bubba]

These was a man named Reginald
Who was exceedingly bald.
He had no hair
But girls didn't care.
When they wanted to hook up, he was called.

There was a truck driver from Providence.
Unfortunately, he lost his license.
If he can't drive,
How will he survive??
He'll have to trust in Providence.

[Bubba]

There was a geographer from Tennessee.
He thought, `It's odd as odd can be,
I must say.
Many states end in A,
But my state still ends in plain ol' E.'

[KarmaVarmint]

I prefer a limerick to have the meter of "The man from Nantucket".

Afield driving hogs was ol' Bubba
With holes in his shoes made of rubba'
He went home to dine
Stinking mighty of swine
So his wife threw him right in the tubba'

[Bubba]

I prefer a limerick to have the meter of "The man from Nantucket".

Afield driving hogs was ol' Bubba
With holes in his shoes made of rubba'
He went home to dine
Stinking mighty of swine
So his wife threw him right in the tubba'

That's excellent, Karma Varmint.

Now here's one I made up while exercising. Some folks will find it offensive. Maybe the Moderators will delete it. We'll see.

There was a boy from The Hood named Jamal
He said, "White folks - I wanna kill 'em all."
He bought a gun.
What fun.
Yep, young Jamal is havin' a ball.

[Bubba]

I met a girl and she was hot!
For a second I thought ...
Was not to be.
She didn't like me.
I'll have to stick with what I got.

My dentist said, "This is a matter of some gravity.
You have an outrageously huge cavity.
I can drill it
And fill it,
But you'll still suffer from depravity."

[Gamle-ged]

Memory of Ogden Nash:

There was a young belle of old Natchez
Whose garments were always in patchez.
When comments arose
On the state of her clothes,
She replied, "When Ah itchez, Ah scratchez."

—Ogden Nash

[uncledad]

There once was a horny gal from Norway,
She hung by her heels from a doorway,
Yelled to her mate,
Quick, before it's too late,
I think I found a new way!

[Bubba]

There was a young lady from Cincinnati.
To her friends, she was quite catty.
She clearly had no sense
Though she drove a Mercedes Benz.
Yes, it's obvious she was batty.

I gave my girl a beautiful diamond ring.
She wore it proudly - Said it made her sing.
But she did a double take
When she learned it was fake.
Went to the lake and gave it a mighty fling.

[Bubba]

Limericks need not necessarily be obscene.
You can write about any event you dream.
Maybe a romance,
Or a dance.
Even a movie, like Soylent Green.